That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
