I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
