so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
