where am i from again
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
