i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
