look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
