naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
