I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
