Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
