i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
