Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
two words: eviction party
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
