Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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