there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
