At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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