Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
