Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
