Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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