Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
