Got a toothbrush?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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