Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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