I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
