honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
