I showed him my bush... on skype.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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