Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
