if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
