Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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