I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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