Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
