i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
