I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
