just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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