just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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