i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
