allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
