I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Randomize
