I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
