he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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