Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
