Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
