I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
