cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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