i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
