If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
