I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
