In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
