Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
false alarm. still invincible.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
