I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
