Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
