by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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