I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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