Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
