did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
