you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Still dying that you shit outside
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
