it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
