i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
