Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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